60 Days Countdown

We are officially at our 2-months mark before the wedding and we are feeling the crunch of this 60 days countdown. It's a little ironic because I've talked to my friends at their 2-months mark and seen how busy they were with all their wedding plans, and often wondered how they felt. Now we have arrived and I know exactly how they felt - excited, nervous, alittle scared, alot stressed; and the combination of "the wedding is coming up so soon" and "i can't wait for it to be all over".

I've shared with you some of the lessons I've learned since being engaged about compromise and the value of friends. Now I think I'm learning about letting go and maintaining the peace.

I don't know what is about planning a wedding that can make people (ahem-parents) go crazy, or fight for the spotlight, or lose focus of why this event is even being planned in the first place. The way that some people act, you'd think that THEY are getting married instead of Robert and I. And of course, everyone has an opinion about everything because that's how they did it before (or wished they had).

This all use to bother me before, and sometimes still does when suggestions are taken too far. But I think I'm learning to choose my battles and let go of what's really not that important as long as it keeps the peace.

Someone once told me to look at it from a 5 years perspective. For example, will I really care what flavor cake I had at my wedding 5 years from now? Probably not (although I think my fiance might!). But will I care if certain guests were not invited to partake in the celebration? Yeah, I think we would.

So we try to keep the whole wedding in perspective and also spend as much time planning for the days after. It is 60 days before the wedding, but in perspective, our marriage will be for a whole lifetime.

The value of friends

As Susanna and I head towards our wedding date, our friends are going through or had gone through the same experience. It's so helpful to hear advice from others who have gone down the same road, also it's much better to have a real idea of what to expect. For Susanna and I we never deeply planned a wedding before, we're doing most of the items ourselves including the planning.

It's something like this that we're so happy to have our close friends near by. There is no book or wedding planner that could comfort you for this event like a friend, and without them our stress level would be much higher.

So as a message to our close friends, thank you. While we still have a few more months, I'm sure you will hear the message from Susanna and I many times more.

Robert

Third Lesson in Marriage

The third lesson for me in marriage is to remind myself daily of the chorus of this song:

"Oh, I'm running to Your arms
I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your Love will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world Forever reigns"

("Forever Reign" by Hillsong United)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au3EGgISYMc&feature=channel

Second Lesson in Marriage

Today I found another white hair. Except this white hair did not come from the top of my head, but from my eyebrow! Yes, I found a white eyebrow hair. Am I stressing that much?

So instead of giving in to my worries, I decided to Give Thanks instead.

And I am thankful for M who is trying so hard to make our wedding beautiful the way we want. I'm thankful for my mom trying to be helpful (even if I have to bite my tongue from time to time). I'm thankful for my friend Jasmine who can relate to the wedding stresses. I'm grateful for my moh who remains calm and gracious even as I rant and rave around the lake. I'm thankful for F who offered to get a truck-load of branches if we so wanted (and want we shall). And I'm thankful for all the friends who have offered a helping hand, a referral, a sympathetic ear, and their prayers.

I realize this is another lesson in marriage: Give Thanks. Be grateful for what you have and be humble enough to get by with a little help from your friends.

With that said, the thing I'm most thankful for is that I am getting married to a wonderful man who reminds me everyday to not worry.

Photographer search

Susanna and I are searching for a photographer, which sounds simple but in reality is much harder. A photographer is someone who will work with you the whole event and stick with you like the bridal party. We interviewed a few photographers who were very different in personality but similar in image styles. Susanna and I are looking for a photographer who can capture the moment with a more photojournalism style, like if our wedding was photographed by a news reporter instead of someone with an art degree.

One of my hobbies is photography and for a while I've been reading photography forums about wedding photographers. I understand what makes a good photograph but it's much harder to really choose a photographer. You don't just look at the quality of the images but the amount of time the person takes to respond to questions, how they are in person for the first interview, also how well they work with the couple. It's the opposite of what I have learned in photography all these years, instead of a technical and artistic view point of photographer, you look at the personal side of it.

We have not settled on a photographer but the time is getting close and we have a possible winner soon.

Robert

First Lesson in Marriage

Alot of married couples have told me that marriage is all about compromise. Robert and I are having our first lesson about compromise already during our engagement - compromise about the time of the wedding, reception site, decorations, even our guest list. But as Robert so wisely put it yesterday - without the compromises, we wouldn't have a place to get married in. And I wouldn't have the reality checks about the life Robert and I will share AFTER the wedding day.

Yesterday someone asked me what I wanted my guests to see at the wedding. I admit I was stumped at first, not knowing how to answer that because I honestly hadn't thought about the wedding that way. I had been much more pre-occupied about how to decorate the church and what the guests would think about the color combo we picked out. So when posed with this question, I really thought about it beyond the colors and decorations. I realized I wanted my guests to see how thankful I am (we are) that God brought us together, because we all know how hard it is to find that true and lasting love.

So what do I want my guests to see? I want them to see how truly lucky and blessed Robert and I are to have found and chosen each other. I want them to see M and mr M singing our song. I want them to see my mom and my future mom-in-law shed tears of joy. I want them to see us laughing and hugging and kissing surrounded by our closest friends and family who are all doing the same. THIS is how I want my wedding to be decorated with God's blessings, with laughter, and with enduring love.

The rest are minute details that no one but some of my very detail-oriented friends will remember. In fact, I am one of those wedding guests who loses the invitation before the wedding day and forgets to take the program home.

I'm bravely putting this post out there into cyberspace as a reminder to myself (which I may need to read many many times) before the day I become Mrs. Small Fry.

Thank you, Robby, for reminding me daily of what's important.

5 Months and counting...

My first post as the Bride - yay!

Wedding planning is coming along. Like Robert posted, we have a church and a reception. And I already have THE dress! It was the first dress I tried on at the first bridal store I went to. It had a little bit of everything I was looking for - beading, lace, straps, sparklies- and still managed to look elegant (with the bonus of making me look tall, which is no easy feat). Who said dress shopping was hard? ;)

Throughout this new process of planning a wedding and a new life for Robert and I, we have realized 3 things:
1. The bride is traditional in an unconventional way, and we really just want to have a fun intimate party
2. The wedding industry is one big rip-off capitalizing on your happy day
3. (and most important) It is so easy to get caught up in the wedding that you lose the focus of why you're having that wedding

As I like to quote from an advice column in a bridal magazine, Robert and I are getting MARRIED, not "Wedding-ed". If you've talked to me recently, you've already heard me on my pre-nuptial soapbox. I think I keep pushing that point because I need to remind myself that even if this world falls away, the most important thing is that Robert and I get married. And I do plan on marrying Robert on Dec 3rd - rain or shine, wedding or no wedding, no matter what happens.

And the other advice I got from that same column, ELOPE! Too late for that... I guess, sometimes advice is to be given, not taken.